30 Surefire Signs You’re a Mom of Young Children
By Megan Sharma
We all have moments when we look in the mirror and say, “Holy burrito, I am a MOM!”
It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly when it happens. For some, it begins with that adorable baby bump during pregnancy. For others, it’s when our new baby clutches our finger as if their life depends on it. Some feel it the first time they wear their newborn in a carrier like a fashion statement. It’s all relative.
Here are the surefire signs that you are, in fact, a mother of young children:
1. Getting ‘all dolled up’ isn’t about beautifying yourself. It means you’re having a tea party. With dolls.
2. You keep kid juice (organic apple juice boxes) and adult juice (wine, wine and more wine) in the house at all times.
3. You need tummy control…ev-ery-thing.
4. Only after you’ve read all the parenting books on the market do you allow yourself to indulge in that tempting New York Times Best Seller.
5. Shoes from your life before kids: heels, a dash of red, a sprinkle of animal print. Shoes from your mom life: they’re all flat and oh-so-comfy. That is all.
6. If you are forced to sing “The Farmer in the Dell” one more time, the cheese won’t be the only thing standing alone.
7. You wish you had thought of Spanx. You have enough personal pairs that you’d totally be rich.
8. You’re tempted to frame a few scribbles on construction paper in a museum quality frame.
9. You are the only person in your household who knows the location of all the food items.
10. You drink coffee until it’s socially acceptable to drink wine.
11. Even photos of your toddler on the potty are adorable, in your eyes.
12. Your idea of a spa treatment is a hot shower—alone.
13. Just when you think your heart couldn’t possibly hold any more love, it expands just a little more.
14. If you push your belly out just so, you can look like you’re pregnant again. It’s a gift.
15. You enjoy shopping for children’s clothing and accessories more than for yourself.
16. You put on just enough makeup to avoid looking like a zombie. Nothing more, nothing less
17. You only have time to catch up with your girlfriends while driving in the car. Thank goodness for Bluetooth systems!
18. You’re a master of the art of the faux shower.
19. Your parameters for clothing purchases include: will it hide smudges from double chocolate chip cookies? Sold.
20. You’re practiced in spelling out buzzwords like “mall” and “chocolate” when conversing with your partner.
21. You listen to Kidz Bop radio when your children are not in the car. Busted!
22. You feel so relaxed when getting your eyebrows waxed that you don’t want to get up.
23. You purchased a vehicle due to its abundance of magnificent trunk space.
24. Goldfish crackers are as much a part of your purse as your credit card and driver’s license.
25. You can recognize the exact sound that is made by chewing on a pacifier. Stop that!
26. You know precisely how many months your children have been on this earth, but you frequently forget your own age.
27. Any night during which your children go to sleep at a reasonable hour and don’t wake up before you and your spouse head to bed is considered a ‘date’ night.
28. You’ve painted your daughter’s toenails on numerous occasions, but haven’t had a professional pedicure on your own tootsies for God knows how long.
29. Nap time is the most magical hour of your day.
30. Your given name has been replaced by a three-letter word: Mom.
Own it, mamas!
Megan Sharma is an author and writing professional originally from Seattle and recently transplanted to the Midwest. In 2015, the same year she moved cross-country (again!) and became a mother, Megan traded her 9:00 to 5:00 for calling the shots in her own writing career. Visit Megan’s web site to check out her debut nonfiction book on love and modern medicine, “Memoirs of a Surgeon’s Wife: I’m Throwing Your Damn Pager into the Ocean”, and her blog, The Savvy Surgeon’s Wife. When she isn’t writing (a rare occurrence), Megan enjoys globetrotting with her ENT surgeon hubby and daughter, cooking and eating delicious food, photography, and yelling at pundits on CNN. If she had to choose one issue to dedicate her life to, it would be gender equality. Catch up with Megan on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn.